#also I have a physical need to draw her
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I just listened to Epic the musical and DAM! hera’s my favorite and that is my only takeaway
(that and that “there are other ways” is my favorite song)
#she’s SO DISCO!!!! i LOVE HER#ugh she ate. Zeus can go fuck himself bc I just KNOW she gave him rancid side eye when Athena said#and I quote#“never once has he cheated on his wife#I loveeeeeeee her#hera epic the musical#hera#also I have a physical need to draw her#epic the musical#epic the wisdom saga#epic the thunder saga#epic the underworld saga#epic the circe saga#epic the ocean saga#epic the cyclops saga#epic the troy saga#there are other ways#god games
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ummm
been thinking about this awhile .... my son made of slop
#pleasee say nobodys thought about this before#i go insane over this idea on the daily. goop boy#hoping this all makes some kind of sense i havent slept At all#to be clear hes still just as insane as flowey. if not worse now he has hands#i think hed like hanging around alphys but only cause shes the only one who'd be too scared to tell evryone a dead kids telling her#about his murders#i dont think he'd ever grow fond of her. he'd just get bored of actually physically hurting her#^ i also think he would blame her a lot. this is a thought i have abt canon flowey/asriel too#i think he would Need somewhere to place the blame and saying its alphys fault for making him would be easier than other options#alphys defense lawyer here dont get it twisted#ok enough rambling#uhmmmm#asriel dreemurr#dont really want to tag this it Sucks. but#au tag will be made if i draw him again trust#^#amalgam asriel
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genuinely so devastating to finish my flcl rewatch and pull up the tumblr tag confident that everyone else is also down cataclysmic for haruko and posting abt it but *crickets*
#I THOUGHT IT WAS REALLY POPULAR ON HERE.... WHAT THE HELL GUYS#appreciate all the artbook stuff and the handful of fanartists but other than that its so dead its so over 😭😭😭😭#and most of the posts abt her are like 'shes such a terrible person but fun character other than that!' STFU. POSER#her selfishness and apathy and singleminded drive is literallt what makes her so fucking hot whats so hard to understand#a woman is headstrong n decisive n doesnt care abt ending the world for her ambitions n suddenly ur like ohhh devotion is baaaad#move aside gayboy im gonna get it id let use me in whatever scheme she needs thr fact shed only pretend to care abt me is even better 🥴#i love physically violent women i love being smacked with bass guitars hi hello im right here 😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚#wheres that post thats like i dont even have mommy issues i just think its hot to be a womans pet LITERALLLYYYY#god i need to draw her 5 million times but i wont have any free time until at least tues.....so sad#wait for me babygirl...... i wont forget abt u#we would have the most toxic relationship ever it would be awful for everyone in a 50 mile radius people would die#fake manic pixie dream girl fans when a girl with real mania comes at them:#ANYWAY RANT OVER i need to get my shit together for work tmr#also my chocolate orange cake turned out sooooo good i need to use this recipe again sometime#feeling way better plus i didnt even fully crash i just had like an hour or two of turbulence. but i do need to start winding down for bed#soooo goodnight everyone... and haruko especially.......#.diaries#flcl
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(not quite logging back in just venting dont mind me <3 ill reply to everyone later mwah)
#i guess the worst thing about allllllll the times my mother tells me im crazy is that i know she's right lol#like the instant overwhelming need to sh whenever she says it or in fact every time we fight should be enough to confirm it 🤡#like i legit wont calm down until i physically hurt myself preferably also drawing blood. this is not Sane Person Behaviour#anyway whatsapp just spent a few minutes crying curled up on the floor in the kitchen pulling my own hair trying to ✨Not SH✨#because its stupid idiot motherfucking summer and everyone will See#and ended up doing it regardless lol#and its so funny cause like literally the moment i do it im perfectly fine and mentally and emotionally stable again 🥰😇#anyway i love my mom she's great but she did ruin my entire life and me as a person too#and basically all my adult problems can be easily traced back to my psychological nightmare of a childhood#except i cant blame her for that either because she didnt have it easy and she raised me on her own (and unmedicated too)#while my dad didnt really even get many occasions to ruin me on a fundamental level (like he sure did use those few chances he had but yknow#not nearly as many as my mom got)#so i cant just blame my mom and let feminism lose like that#anyway. she should never have had children and i there's nothing i regret more than her husband dying instead of me#ok logging back off byeeeeeeeeee
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the challenge of i should commission art of my ocs. would love to commission like, siiyr or bokrae, maybe krachyn or jula. siiyr or bokrae would make the most sense, maybe krachyn. i think theyre the ones with the most detailed notes on their anatomy
but also
oh god i cannot subject another artist to the anatomical war crimes i committed in making these ocs
#toy txt post#ig id be best off commissioning someone w a lot experience w like. centaurs. let alone commisioning them actually doing anything#interesting. the good bad news is ai cant do it either. fucking i cant even do it. why did i make these bitches. i gave bokrae a gf#but shes not. she cant even. her lips dont really do a kiss shape shes all teeth#siiyr has too many fucking elbows and a weird skull situation#bokraes skull continues to break my brain. i think it does break physics in universe. birdie did weird shit w that eye#its constantly trying to explode#the art ideas i have for bokrae and siiyr have plagued me for years even now in my depression funk of no new ideas#i cant bring myself to subject other artists to them?????#i should specify Bokrae's teeth more tho probably. i used to jokingly explain it away as she has all the teeth/they change#and. they do. canonically birdie has to replace all of her bones over time especially her skull. but also#that was me being lazyyyyyyyyyyyy#idk i know you dont necessarily need like a super detailed ref sheet to commission things but like. if i was commissioning my own ocs id#want that probably?#maybe i will try to draw the girls today. probably not doing anything interesting#bc i have not drawn for One Billion Years and im out of practice with Normal Human Anatomy let alone#these fucking Monsters#also maybe one day ill figure out Jared#pigeon head on a deaths head moth body with gemstone eyes is something i can see in my head but when i try to draw it it doesnt look right#so. need to work on that? the main thing about jared is that he needs to Scuttle#and id like to incorporate a pigeon#hm#hmmmmmmm
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also back on the poppy brainrot
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dfjfsdgfds @ anon NOOOOO don't worry about this!! Trust me you are not the first person who saw my icon like Messmer until squinting at it really hard xD Let's be real, not only Drake Warrior Set does have similar aesthetic, but also before SOTE actually launched we all thought Messmer was straight up connected with Dragon Communion!!
Though to be honest, even I myself keep thinking about Messmer on reflex looking at my icon dfhfdhfd The "vibe" morphed into some strange mental image that is like a "blend" of aesthetics and vibes (and genders) of Eleonora and Messmer and I could not shake it off! It even had a strong passive effect on my self-image and perception of my gender. 🙄 And it felt extremely cathartic picturing myself as this spontaneous "character" until they detached and literally became a new OC xD (if you are prone to fiction kinning, sprout minor alters like Malenia sprouts the sisterdaughters or both you just KNOW what I am talking about lol!!)
#personal#ask replies#it is very hard to explain this#but yeah I am deadass like Malenia who gets alters against her intention that also shortly become their own people#and sometimes a right drawing or even *idea* of a character is a beginning of it lol#granted I felt strong connection with Messmer and it is complicated.#I wish I could explain this process without having to hope the person knows from experience or knows someone LIKE that#but like... it is complicated lol. malenia's situation is the best comparison to it#I hate losing these 'images' though#I always feel like my 'real' self when they take over my self-image and then they just separate and become characters!!!#like no! stop becoming 2D remain my fursuits instead! bitch#I just want to feel complete but every time I feel like I've found my identity it cuts itself away from my empty husk and I am hollow again#just goes to show how important Malenia is#she like... represented things that you had no idea how much you NEEDED to be represented#she covered so many types of both physical and mental illnesses. she is like metaphor for literally every condition#THE relatable character#fromsoft just can't flop with characters but you KNOW martin added
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i do love my family very dearly but the internalized ableism the men in here struggle with is. so much
#marzi speaks#it’s worse with my brother but he’s doing more to actively work on improving that#my dad however has very subtle internalized ableism that i don’t think he recognizes is there#which is. fun#like earlier. either last night or this morning i don’t remember#i was talking to him about how while ideologically i have nothing against accepting needing help and things like that#in practice it’s very challenging to adjust to being disabled even temporarily. and that if i do end up with a diagnosis that’s gonna be#a lot to handle. both mentally and just with the lifestyle changes i’ll have to make#and he makes a bit of a face and goes ‘i wouldn’t quite call you disabled. i’d just say ‘ill’’#and i just sort of look at him. and i blink. and i go ‘i am physically Un-Able to do things i am normally able to do’#‘i can’t walk long distances at all. i can’t sit in chairs for too long without causing pain’#‘i’ve spent the last 24 hours staring longingly at my computer because i want to draw but am currently Not Able To’#he didn’t argue with me but i can tell he was still unnerved by the idea of picturing his daughter as disabled#also like . illness and disability are not mutually exclusive? several disabilities are or involve chronic illness#i shouldn’t be surprised though. i mentioned considering starting lexapro#and he went on his ‘you’re an adult and it’s your choice in the end but i wouldn’t recommend it’ spiel#(he’s anti-psychiatry bc he doesn’t like the idea of breaking the brain down into smth so purely physical)#(and also doesn’t like the idea of someone being dependent on pills their whole life)#(which i’m giving him some slack on rn bc he is a just-got-clean recovering opoid addict. so)#(btw before any of you say SHIT abt my dad he took his pills legally prescribed for chronic pain and did not abuse them)#(and even if he DID that would give nobody a right to make a moral judgement on him. ok cool)#i then reminded him that my mom takes anti-anxiety meds and they really really helped her#and he just goes ‘true.’ and moves on#king u got some shit to unpack#it’s fine if u didn’t want to start antidepressants when it was recommended to you meds aren’t for everyone#but like come on now. u don’t gotta be so fundamentally against it when literally ur own wife who you adore takes psych meds#anywho my mom handled me making the disability comment much better. she was basically just like ‘ur fear is totally understandable’#‘u have a good support system we’ll help you through it’#which. thanks mom 👍 that was very kind of her to say
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I hand you a doodle and then go back to dying of the plague
#keese draws#oc art#oc#ocs#furry#furry art#furry oc#Im sick 😔#I can tell because all my joints are hurting instead of just my knees lol#which actually is strange since usually when Im sick the first sign is my nose being super duper runny#but I can actually breath just fine if not better than usual rn wow#but yeah say hi to antinio theyre a design I got a couple months ago I think#theyre a part of a new ish story I made around the same time that surrounds the other escaped patients of the facility pent escaped from#pent didnt actually go with them tho partially because none of them like her and she doesnt like any of them but mostly because shes more#physically unstable than the others and needs regular goop recharges that kept her camping near the facility until bud and daisy dropped in#but yeah everyone else left together and spent some time wandering before getting lured into the origin place of the goop#this guy is actually quite the unique case among the bunch because they were originally an ocean dweller before they were revived#this basically means they only half understand what everyone else is saying and can't actually talk themself#and also that despite not needing to breath they constantly feel like theyre suffocating and they are generally pretty bitter abt all this#they cant rly go home partially because theyve been dead for too long and mostly because theyd kind of just fall apart in the ocean#even just washing their hands causes their fur and skin to get all slimy#hey they at least have a new bestie even if said bestie is also part of the only half understands everyone party meaning they even less#know how to communicate with eachother since they both speak different languages from eachother#but hey now they can be confused abt whatever the hell applebounce is yelling abt together
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Working on some designs for one of my oldest OCs, “Cure” (Patreon)
I also managed to track down some of her initial concept sketches from 2018 - why 2018 considering I called her one of my oldest OCs?
Well, her design has always been rather elusive, even more so since she spent so much time in my head without being brought to paper - even these sketches make mention of it!
Pretty sure she got “Cure” in 2018 too - starting to take form!
#Doodles#Original#The quotes are very intentional lol#As stated under the cut I started designing her in 2018 but she's existed since around 2007-ish? Latest would be 2010#Part of her having such a range of uncertainty is that it took me many many years to consider putting her to paper!#She might've existed in 2007 but there's no record! She might've existed in 2010 but no record! I don't think I even wrote about her#She was a completely mentally-extant OC for many many many years#Partially because at the time I had just started drawing and knew I wouldn't be able to put down what was in my head to physicality#And then the longer she stayed in my head the more she became that kind of mental kaleidoscope ever-shifting impossible-to-draw design#But screw that! I have a few years of doodling under my belt now! Even if I can't get her quite right I can at least make an attempt!#It's especially funny because outwardly she is meant to be a pretty generic teddy bear lol - not Exactly but more like the vibe of one#Round and plush and innocent - innocuous#And really she's not like Nefarious or anything lol - she's not what she seems but she also is?? It's hard to explain lol#A lot of it does still come down to subtleties so it actually is still hard to capture but it'll only keep getting harder the longer I wait!#So at least pinning down Some things about her design that I'm happy with and can refer to helps the me down the line haha#The first one is actually pretty close! It's always a coin flip on whether the first one is a disaster or nails it haha#The heart ears and straight body are pretty good tho I gotta say#And honestly it was the little lace-ribbon bracelet that was the deciding factor for me to try drawing her again haha#I had an idea I thought was silly but to do it I needed a design to work with!#Getting there getting there - every little bit closer
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Have to go see my father again this morning I really really really don’t want to
#but I can’t cancel cuz I actually have to return his birth certificate#cuz my younger sister needed it to apply for her uk passport cuz she wasn’t born there like me and my older sister#but she has even less contact with him than i do#well none actually and even though I am extremely low contact with him I am an anxiety and guilt ridden people pleaser f#rant incoming sorry#also she’s being so rude to me about it even though I did it for her??? i didn’t go for coffee with him so we could have a relationship#I went so she could move to Scotland like she’s been planning for years#and I don’t even talk to her about it because it’s not something im like holding over her head??#I fully volunteered to do it to be a nice sibling#I didn’t even tell her about how it went cuz I knew she didn’t want to hear about it#the only updates I gave were im going to get it and I got it and now giving it back#so why is she attacking me and asking why I want a relationship with him????#I never said that and I fucking don’t??????#i did years and years and years of therapy to not get physical reactions to him sending me a random text#so yeah im able to receive a text from him without it triggering a panic attack#but only because I’ve been through extensive trauma therapy like emdr and art#not art as is like drawing art but as in accelerated resolution therapy#anyways hes an asshole that I know will never be the dad I wanted#and im glad i did it cuz im excited for my sister to move to Scotland cuz i want a reason to visit all the time
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i wish i knew how to write. how to tell stories and show glimpses of other lives
#libra.txt#i have so many ideas. and i like drawing them. but i can't tell their stories that way#i don't do comics.#but i don't really write either. and when i try nothing turns out the way i want it to.#anyway. was thinking abt botw zelda. how she supposedly embroidered all the champions' garb.#and then i thought abt her meeting vilia and rhondson and got wistful#that's why my au zelda (dove) wears the cape she does. she embroidered it herself. using designs /she/ liked.#making something /she/ wanted to make. something pretty and useful and new.#i don't yet know how to embroider. i can do simple stitches but nothing fancy and no big designs#but i respect sewing and needlework. it's time consuming and can be labour intensive and people don't always appreciate the amount of effor#that goes into it. which i suppose is also a reflection of zelda's struggle with finding her power. but also i think she needs something#to do with her hands. that isn't related to research or rebuilding hyrule.#but something tangible with visible results as she keeps working on it#i think it could be rather therapeutic for her#and perhaps also cathartic. since her life was fraught with danger and intense emotions when she worked on the champions' garb#she so desperately wanted to be out there /physically helping/ and doing their embroidery could have felt like a slap in the face#maybe i'm thinking on it too much#but i still like the idea of her meeting rhondson and vilia.
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Mmm Jeanne
#servants cant learn new stuff (i'll talk about jalter in a second) therefore#jeanne shouldnt know how to read or write#we actually Dont get a confirmation that she can do those things in summer 3. because the book that jalter thought jeanne wrote#was actually Her own book#jeanne works with marie. maybe she comes up with the ideas and does rough drawings that marie would be Delighted to bring to life#marie reads to jeanne is my image#jalter taught herself how to read and write and i think that was possible because of the unstability of her existence#if you try to teach jeanne how to read and write it will stick for a second but if like idk 15-20 min pass she would likely find herself#unable to read again and her writting to be suboptimal#she can sign her own name ofc thats historical#she can recite the bible from memory iirc#i love jalter's ability to be her own person even if it comes with the fact that she is very much. an ephemeral dream#like her FCKING SKILL IS CALLED.#WHY MUST YOU HURT ME LIKE THIS FGO#anyway. now jeanne again but physical#oughhh thank u for the support in the tags when i said jeanne should have self image issues because she looked different in life#i hadnt fully talked bout it i just went with hair but yeah. i need to check again because im pretty sure her body wasnt Suuuper different#but i just gotta confirm#but im just so i love the idea of her just not liking the way she manifested abd not knowing Why she manifested like that#when there are Countless depictions of her with her short brown hair#sieg looks to the side whistling (its not his fault but he knows the pseudo servant part#and its probably a mix of . fate apocrypha's manifestation and of how some people imagined jeanne looked like#but it still upsets her#not that she'd ever complain to people#you can probably get it out of her tho#unrelated and only to those who reached this far: im thinking of a singularity set in 15th century orleans in the Middle of the hundred year#war. but the difference aint “oh jeanne d'arc came back to life evil” rather than “there seems to be a battle here where it shouldnt and oh#my god is that jeanne- oh god jeanne d'arc fucking died--#and chaldeas has to try and fix the war without living breathing jeanne d'arc#actually thats not the middle of the 100yearwar but yknow what i mean. also haha jk unless...
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thinking about leon again tonight
#cosmo rambles#i need to get back to playing around with the Hazel and Leon get Eeby Deebied to Hisui thing#because i think still the dynamic of leon being very athletic and strategic while hazel is more on the artsy side and is like#more ideal in a support role is really fun#leon willing to go out there and wrestle a garchomp while gushing about how fantastic it is at physical attacking#while hazel sits by and sketches it for the pokedex and makes little notes about what they found in the environment#leon building himself a new team around types he's never tried before and picking the weaker starter to hazel's to give himself a challenge#hazel somehow letting leon goad her into actually taking a rival role against her despite never really having rivals before#unless you count blue making her so so so so mad but that's unrelated. she'll fight him without a pokemon#leon's understanding of battle mechanics and what each pokemon needs to thrive and what it's capable of beyond just its typing delights me#while hazel tends to be like me- less strategic and more about getting those type advantages in LOL#also having two trainers taking on nobles and filling the dex with their own roles to make things smoother is fun#but also because im imagining leon and hazel sitting together as hazel draws and talking as they peacefully watch pokemon from afar#or running for their lives together or riding on wyrdeer's back together#on top of that just. the two of them going to paldea together for a temporary teaching gig and getting swept into things#keeping an eye worriedly on students and Oh God No What Do You Mean the World is Ending. Again#theyll go on a vacation to kalos after this. and because XY has already happened theres no stress there#they just get to get into some mega evolution training. the most stress is red blue and green show up like hiiii#red and leon get into the most heated rivalry imaginable and hazel is being pulled away from her pokepuffs#god this is getting so long. im just thinking so hard im sorry IF YOU READ THIS FAR THANK YOU IM SORRY
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OH (one of) my siblings is learning to draw now !! this is very cool and swag, the only thing that isn't is that he is trying to learn from me fhsvh
#just me hi#he is doing so great and well !!!#i also have two other younger siblings that picked up drawing in the last 2-3 years which is really cool !!!!!!!#i'm super proud of them and i am excited to see where they go :DD#but they NEED to stop asking me how to do this-and-this because i Don't Know hfsvh#it's really cool seeing how their interests culminate and i waaaant to see what they maaaaaake#trying to convince my brother (apollo) to make an oc bc i feel like it's kind of fundamental. and also i want to see what he makes Hdbvsh#leo has already made like. a Ton of ocs and tells me about them from time to time#they're very cool 15/5#my youngest sibling is also an artist but i don't know about any of her characters#i know she likes to paint though! she's very good with colours :DD#+ i have a sibling that writes#very awesome stuff! i wonder in which direction they're going to get weird Lmaooo#//okay just came to say that. i think my siblings are awesome n cool lol#but because i'm weird in ways unrelated to art i physically can't say that to them hfsbvhs#so i'm going to tell a handful of people on the net :3 hfsvhf#//okay NOW ciao. bye. toodles. BYYEE !! <33
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vriska serket sketch page dedicated to thatonekat
#first thing that i drew since i Aged Up#will vriska define my next year of living?#vriska.#vriska serket#homestuck#and jegbert's there too#i don't know what i tag them as. i need to figure that out#bcuz i know i had a clear preference for like months#but then i just. forgot#OH WELL!#also the main vriska fullbody? i know i fucked up the timeline with her but tbh i drew it without a reference#and i think she should be like 15 in that picture#mid-meteor trip#also i think the godtiered versions of the trolls should have kept their physical disabilities.#hot take of the day#things that i draw
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